- Open your computer to a blank Google Doc and then decide now is a good time to update all your photos. Google: What’s the best photo storage website to use? (But really. I need help with this. Amazon Photos is acting weird all of a sudden. Please comment below.)
- Read a few essays you wrote two years ago. If you’re feeling brave, read the ones from five years ago. *Cringe* Burn it all down.
- Tell people you’re a writer. When they ask what you write (once your face has stopped burning beet red with embarrassment), say, “Oh, just some stuff on the Internet. It’s silly! I’m not really a writer.”
- Go to your website and pick a new theme, customize all your widgets. Update your ‘About Me’ and your profile photo. Stalk your favorite writers’ websites and imagine you would be a better writer if your website looked like theirs.
- When your toddler naps, spend that time watching Parenthood for the tenth time. Then later, get mad at yourself for not using the time better—a real writer would have started a novel in that two-hour window.
- Check-in with your writing group. Talking about writing with other writers is basically writing.
- Research graduate degrees in writing. Going back to school will make you a real writer. (In one to two years.)
- Google “hobbies for geriatric millennial moms.” (Yes, an actual article comes up.) Scan the list of options. You were never very good at crocheting as a kid, so scratch knitting off the list. You have chickens, so you can add “Birdwatching” to your list. Pickleball is also a possibility.
- Paint your nails. Wait 4-6 weeks for them to dry.
- Share a post on Instagram, then when no one comments in 10 minutes, assume it’s because everyone hates you and you are a terrible writer. Go back to step 1.
Thanks to Daien Guo and Brevity Magazine for the prompt and my writer friends, Ashlee Gadd + Katie Blackburn, for sharing their posts first.