Allie, my five-year-old, watches me from the kitchen table. “How can you carry both things?” she asks. Her big brown eyes are wide.
“Moms can carry lots of things,” I say, holding a box of Rice Krispies in one hand and a gallon of milk in the other.
I continue walking toward the table, placing the plastic jug next to her empty bowl. She clutches the bowl with both hands as I pour the cereal into it.
My response went in one ear and out the other—she just wanted breakfast.
Many things I carry are unseen (or unnoticed).
Some days it looks like love in one hand and resentment in the other. Grateful and irritated. Happy and tired. (And, if I’m being honest, the negative emotion is generally the one I show.) Sometimes, for me, the weight of carrying such big feelings at the same time feels very heavy. (Maybe this is a personality thing? An Enneagram five thing?) And truthfully, it’s hard for me to admit that it’s okay to be both. The ever-present: both/and.
Click over to The Mom Hour to read the rest of my (short) essay.